The Perfect Date At Your Local Casino

As a single guy in my thirties, I am on a never-ending mission to try and bamboozle ladies into going on dates. My usual tactic is try distract them from the fact that I’m going bald, and need to lose a few kilograms, by seeming really smart and witty. Who needs a rippling muscled body when I can make you laugh consistently with my self-depreciating quips and James Bond suaveness?

Of course, once I’ve climbed the mountain of getting a lady to agree to a date, I then have to tackle the monumental task of creating a dating experience that is favourable. In my youth I would look towards the nearest restaurant or kebab shop that had candles on the tables, and pretty much call the situation solved. But, in my later, wizened years, I have of course realised that there is far more to a successful date than the mood lighting created by candles. Such as; do I feel this date has enough chance of succeeding to deal with the prices on said eating venue’s menu?

Hey now, don’t judge me. Dating in ones thirties is a task to be approached much more pragmatically, especially now that we have Tinder. And, if you’ll believe it, I have found that casinos offer an almost perfect solution in all occasions.

The Blessing Of Variety

Ladies are wonderful, complicated and unpredictable creatures. After all, there must be a great deal more to them than meets the eye if any are agreeing to go on a date with me. The point is, though, that one can’t approach every lady with the same plan of action. Different ladies require different wooing tactics, something that a younger me desperately needed to learn. One can’t take a lawyer, for example, on a date to a place that has paper napkins. That simply wouldn’t do. A lawyer requires the hypnotising glory of fabric napkins.

On the other hand, you may just do away with napkins altogether, and enter the mad realm of eating venues that use finger bowls. What lady lawyer in her right mind could resist the overpowering charm that comes with washing ones fingers in a little warm bowl of water?

The point is that a casino offers a wide variety of venues, catering to all sorts of hand sanitary needs. There are reasonably priced places that don’t frown on paper napkins, fancy places that provide the seductive touch of fabric, and even some places that offer experimental hand washing technology I could only dream of. Either way, the blessing of variety in a casino cannot be overlooked.

Activity Beyond Food

Of course, if the eating part of the date is a success, you may wish to further dazzle the lady with entertainment. Now, casinos are well known for their live performances, and again there is a variety to choose from. From singing and dancing musicals, to stand up comedy, the choice should again be made based on the type of lady you’re dealing with. Either way, a two hour theatre production that explores the deep philosophies of being human is probably always a bad idea. Throwing your date into an existential crisis makes for a bad romantic atmosphere, after all. And in my case, it might trigger her into wondering why she didn’t hold out for a date with more rippling muscles.

And if it wasn’t already obvious, a little gambling can indeed be an extremely thrilling and entertaining activity. Games such as roulette and craps are really rather excellent for dates, assuming your date doesn’t turn out to be a bit frivolous, bad at gambling, and looking towards your wallet to keep funding the amusement.

Or Just Stay In

With all that said, I am now going to throw out a suggestion that will blow this whole deal right out of the water. The idea that the best dates are those kept at home, rather than out in the unpredictable realm of real world casinos. Now, hear me out.

If the lady in question is sufficiently charmed, and has banished the notion you might simply be a disguised kidney thief, you could have the whole date in your place of living. It eliminates a great deal of the unknown factor, creates a much more intimate and engaging mood, and will certainly set you back much less in the financial department.

What? She’ll just think that’s cheap? No sir, you are looking at this from the wrong angle. She will, assuming you hang your eighteen-year-old high school creative writing awards somewhere noticeable, and can cook instant noodles worth half a damn, likely assume you are a charming and sophisticated fellow.

And what about the entertainment factor? Well, if you are as resourceful as I, you will know that online casinos offer all the gambling entertainment opportunities of a real world casino, only with the benefit of being on your living room couch. Dating perfection you’ll agree. Or the reason why I’m still single?

Marc Armstrong - Signature

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